Let me just say one thing before I start- I want to write more often; it is healing to me, and I know I have some beloved friends and family that want me to write, but I made my blog private for a while and didn't write a thing because of teaching- and various related reasons. It's a funny story, ask me about it! But now, with 8 days of school left, I think I'm back, at least for the summer!
It all started with a really rough year and a rejection to a job that I really should have had. I started out, at first, extremely disappointed in myself and in this career field, but then my thought process went elsewhere, and I feel the need to share where it is continuing to go. It starts out as a thought process about the field of education, but I promise it broadens. I'm just trying to reiterate my thoughts in an understandable manner.
So, as I've said, my thoughts started with with being rejected from the job that I thought I surely had, plus, I'd applied to countless others and hadn't heard a thing. Still haven't, to be clear.
I've worked myself into the ground all year in the exact career field (teaching) that I am now job searching within. According to my current employer, I've done better than they ever could have imagined, and I feel experienced, as I've experienced things you can't even dream of happening in a classroom, some of the toughest students, and I've practically created my own curriculum day by day, all year, because I was hired 10 days before I started with no materials left for me. My students have fun, they work hard because I push them, and I...am...so...tired. However, it is apparent that I am not experienced enough, compared to other outside applicants. I'm tired of, after all of this work, hearing no again. I'm tired of the thought of going back to subbing, or worse, another long term sub position where I'm working double time and creating materials that I'll quite likely never use again. And the job search in this career, the politics of the hiring, is exhausting in itself. The pressure of it all is worse. I've spent over 5 years of my life educating myself (and paying money I don't have- hello, college loans!) to do this exact thing that exhausts me. I am halfway through my master's degree, I've had a whole year of teaching experience, and ninety percent of the time I don't even hear a thing from the applications I send.
I've worked myself into the ground all year in the exact career field (teaching) that I am now job searching within. According to my current employer, I've done better than they ever could have imagined, and I feel experienced, as I've experienced things you can't even dream of happening in a classroom, some of the toughest students, and I've practically created my own curriculum day by day, all year, because I was hired 10 days before I started with no materials left for me. My students have fun, they work hard because I push them, and I...am...so...tired. However, it is apparent that I am not experienced enough, compared to other outside applicants. I'm tired of, after all of this work, hearing no again. I'm tired of the thought of going back to subbing, or worse, another long term sub position where I'm working double time and creating materials that I'll quite likely never use again. And the job search in this career, the politics of the hiring, is exhausting in itself. The pressure of it all is worse. I've spent over 5 years of my life educating myself (and paying money I don't have- hello, college loans!) to do this exact thing that exhausts me. I am halfway through my master's degree, I've had a whole year of teaching experience, and ninety percent of the time I don't even hear a thing from the applications I send.
What if I don't end up a teacher? What if I end up finding something else I love, or taking a break from this after the burnout of the job search and not getting anywhere? IF I do that, I'll be wasting 5+ years of education, right? IF I even take a break, find something else (that pays more, most likely) other than subbing, at least temporarily, then I am being irresponsible. If I don't put my ALL into a career that I should love enough to be happy with doing it forever, then I'm not doing it right. That is what the voices in my head say, and that is why my thought process has come to the idea of "career" that this culture pushes on us before we are even old enough to make decisions.
I am happy teaching, at least some days, and I could see myself doing it for a long period of time. I'm not giving up, but if teaching somehow doesn't work out, I have other passions, and I could also see myself doing something else.
But, this isn't just about me. This isn't just about teaching, either. This is about every woman, or ever person in general, that feels pressure under this idea of having or keeping a career that he/she has worked for, yet feels lifeless within.
But, this isn't just about me. This isn't just about teaching, either. This is about every woman, or ever person in general, that feels pressure under this idea of having or keeping a career that he/she has worked for, yet feels lifeless within.
Maybe, as you've matured, you've found another passion that fits you better. Or maybe you have multiple passions, and you feel like it would be a shame to spend all of your time doing something else and not having time for the things you feel bring you life. Or maybe you feel passionate about staying home with your kids, reaching out to your community, and maybe doing a few other jobs to help with the bills to make sure you can stay home most of the time and spend time with those you feel called to.
But at the same time, even thinking about those passions and dreams that seem like good things, maybe you feel shameful...as if you are a disappointment. Why is that? I like to call it the "career box." (Actually, I just made that up now, but I think it fits). If you work for a lifetime in the same, well-respected job or job field (the one you've been educated with a degree or two to do) you are the epitome of successful. You've most likely earned security somehow with whatever benefits your career field offers, and you're going to be set. You are responsible, my friend, if you do this. America smiles on you, and you can be found inside the career box. If you want to step out of that box, shame on you; you are irresponsible. Push those silly dreams out of your head and stay in the box so you can be looked on as successful and have security.
But at the same time, even thinking about those passions and dreams that seem like good things, maybe you feel shameful...as if you are a disappointment. Why is that? I like to call it the "career box." (Actually, I just made that up now, but I think it fits). If you work for a lifetime in the same, well-respected job or job field (the one you've been educated with a degree or two to do) you are the epitome of successful. You've most likely earned security somehow with whatever benefits your career field offers, and you're going to be set. You are responsible, my friend, if you do this. America smiles on you, and you can be found inside the career box. If you want to step out of that box, shame on you; you are irresponsible. Push those silly dreams out of your head and stay in the box so you can be looked on as successful and have security.
Why have we fallen into this "career box," as a society? I can almost guarantee that I'm not the only one who feels like this can't be the only way to success, but lets be honest and say that many of our mindsets have led us to believe this is true. I bet there are countless women and men that feel a tinge of guilt or shame, or feel like a disappointment, because they didn't end up in the career they went to school for, the one their parents were so proud of them for pursuing. Instead are raising their children with love, or starting their own business doing something they are passionate about, or even pursuing education/ certifications for something else they have become passionate about, but that isn't enough according to the career box. That isn't safe.
I've already felt the pain of letting my mind wonder outside of the career box. I cannot imagine the pain that others have felt, the feelings of unworthiness when comparing themselves to a brother or sister that has been more "successful" because they stayed in one career for a long time. The utter thought of being a disappointment to those around them that comes up day after day, all because they don't want to limit themselves to one passion, or they don't have that passion they thought they did when they were 18 (if you haven't changed since you were 18, there is a problem).
And let's talk about the connotation that comes with the word job vs. career- only certain jobs can be considered careers. Certainly, if you are working retail or cleaning houses or doing a billion other jobs that the world needs you to be doing in some way, you don't have a career, you just have a job. Your work must not be as good as those that are in careers...
And let's talk about the connotation that comes with the word job vs. career- only certain jobs can be considered careers. Certainly, if you are working retail or cleaning houses or doing a billion other jobs that the world needs you to be doing in some way, you don't have a career, you just have a job. Your work must not be as good as those that are in careers...
I am not saying that careers are bad, or that people who stay in one job all of their lives and love it are not reaching their full potential or following their passions. Not at all. That is wonderful. We need people like you in this world. We need you to keep at your passion, stay consistent, and reach the people that you've been called to reach.
What I am saying; God doesn't put us in a box. I just cannot let myself believe that God gives us all, individually, only one passion, and wants us to live out that one thing only, in the form of a career. I cannot believe that God calls us to stay in the same place, doing the same work, all of our lives, just so we can have security and "success," even if our passions wane and fall somewhere else. I cannot even believe that all of our passions are associated with work. Work is a good thing, and I believe we were meant to work, but for some people, work is simply just work. Passions fall elsewhere, and that is okay. I don't believe we should be in jobs we hate, but I also don't believe that everyone can find a job that they love enough to stay for a long period of time and not search elsewhere.
What I am saying is that, if you want to switch careers to follow your passion, or find something that allows you time to do many other things, you are not in the wrong. We need people like you in this world, too. Your community needs you to find the thing you love, to find the people you're called to love, even if that means moving around and leaving your comfort-zone-career.
What I am saying is that, if you want to switch careers to follow your passion, or find something that allows you time to do many other things, you are not in the wrong. We need people like you in this world, too. Your community needs you to find the thing you love, to find the people you're called to love, even if that means moving around and leaving your comfort-zone-career.
I believe that God calls us outside of comfort. God calls us to reach those around us in out-of-the-box ways. For some people, that may be in the form of a career that God has made you so good at, and has given you such a passion for, that not doing it for your lifetime would be hurting you and your community.
But if that isn't you- if you don't feel called to one thing, but rather to several things, or to one thing for a season, but to another for another season. Or maybe to stop "working" and be "just a mom" (which seems like a whole lot of work to me). Please, don't let the "career box" make you feel like a failure for doing what you feel called to.
When talking to Nick yesterday about my struggle with teaching, he was really the one that brought this thought about. He started talking about his amazing grandmother, and how in her lifetime, she reached more people than either of us can imagine reaching. She made more of an impact on her community than most people do. She was an incredible person, and she never had a "career." She worked various jobs for extra money for her family, such as cleaning houses, and I'm sure she always impacted people at those workplaces. But she worked "smaller jobs" so she could have more time to impact her family and community around her. Her true "work" was love- and I know it was a labor of love- the type that hurts and is hard but is paired with joy. It was a work that left everyone around her for the better- and put everyone around her before herself. Her life's work was a true example of a Christ-like love.
I know there is a generation gap, and I know "times are different," but I know people that are pursuing life in the same way that Gram did, and I think those people should be celebrated. I hope that every generation has people like her- we need people like her. and I hope our generation and generations in the future won't shame them into a different lifestyle or make them feel unsuccessful, because to me, they are the definition of success.
I could give you more examples of people in my life like the one above. People that have worked the way they needed to at the time to make enough for their families, then filled the rest of their lives with what they were passionate about and loving those that they were called to love. The fact that they were not ever in a set career makes them no less successful. Sometimes our passions don't even relate to our work, I think. I touched on this before, but for some people the work is the means to being able to do what they are passionate about with the rest of their lives. And because they spend the time they have loving others and doing what they love, I count them more successful than others that hate their career but let it consume their life, all for the security of it.
Back to my example of Gram- whatever loving those around you more than yourself looks like for you- whatever laying your life down looks like for you- please make that your work. Make it your "career" because it has much more value for you and everyone around you when you do what your passions lead you do, rather than letting yourself be pressured into a "career box." I really do hope it looks like teaching for me, because I've worked for this for a long time. But if it doesn't, I hope I don't have to feel shame or disappoint others by following where God is leading me instead.
